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Wednesday
Mar102010

War Games: Global Thermo-nuclear War Ain't What It Used To Be.

Back in the 80s the world was a much different place.  The economy was in shambles, leg warmers were cool, the Rolling Stones were still together, the threat of WWIII was always hanging out at the corner store... okay, so things aren't that different.  But there was at least one thing:  Matthew Broderick was the shit.

Back before he put on his Broadway tap shoes and danced around FDR's wheelchair or he put us all to sleep fighting Godzilla, he was the coolest kid not in school in a little flick I like to call Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  But even before he was destroying classic cars or disrupting obscure parades, he was nearly destroying-then saving all man-kind with a simple game of tic-tac-toe.

War Games (1983) is a completely awesome flick years ahead of its time in its incorporation of video gaming into modern Americana.  Its exciting, fun, and it even has some decent social commentary (not that I care, Blow those commies to the moon!).

Yet War Games never seems to get any love, outside of an occasional showing on nerd network, G4.  So I'm taking valuable time out of my very important jobless day to let the world know: War Games, you are hella underrated!

Tuesday
Mar092010

Ask a Hater: Do Dogs Shit on a City Street?

Question:  Spring is approaching and the dog shit is once again beginning to pile up.  Why don't people just clean up after their damn dogs?

-Val

 

Dear Val,

The answer to your question is the answer to a great many questions.  People leave their dog shit around for the same reason they throw soda cans in their trash or buy the pudding packs instead of getting the instant powder (even though the powder is cheaper and takes 5 minutes to make!).

They’re lazy.

 

Your Dog Won't Do It For You

People do lots of stupid, a-hole things because they’re lazy.  They buy shit they don’t want, they eat shit they don’t like.  But that’s not the only reason people don’t pick up after their mangy muts, because I’m lazy.  I’m lazy for no reason.  Sometimes I won’t be doing anything, just sitting around, listening to music and I’ll need to pee, but I’ll hold it.  Why?  Cause I was just out at the store and I just freakin’ sat down!  That’s why.  But just cause I'm lazy doesn't mean I'd leave my poop scattered all over the street, no, I'd also have to be…

Selfish.

They're so selfish they don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about them leaving their shit all over the flippin’ place.  I used to live on a street called Prospect Place, but I swear to God that it could have been called Dog Poop Place from all the shit that was on the sidewalks.  It was like people came from miles around just so they could be lazy and selfish in front of my apartment.  How would those people like it if they were to step off of their stoop into a nice lump of day old dachshund shit?  Where is the justice!?

 

-The Hater

 

**To ask the Hater a question, go to the "Contact Us" page and send one.**

Monday
Mar082010

Pepperoni Anyone? No? Yeah, Me Neither

So this is the first posting for Rated Wrong! Whoop-it-di-doo!  Gotta make a big impression... at least that's what I was thinking until I realized, "Hey, this is just the first post, how many people are gonna see this?  Like 50... maybe?  Better just put something out there and not kill myself trying to think of the most clever thing of all time, because it would just be wasted."  So yeah.  Here is the best I saw fit to share with you on this very special first posting.

 

Pepperoni on Pizza.

How many people out there actually would list pepperoni as there favorite topping on a pie?  I'm guessing not that many.  Pepperoni is at least the 4th best topping you can put on a pie, yet when people buy a whole shit load of pies for a party or something, they always get like four pepperonis.  Why?  Cause its safe?  I don't even like pepperoni, the only thing good about it is that its easy to take off the slice *unless they put it under the cheese like a bunch of assholes, what retard came up with that idea?*

Keep that the hell away from me.

Seriously what is so great about the pepperoni sausage?  Its not even the best kind of sausage to put on a pie.  Is it cause it's Italian?  Is it Italian?  I don't know it ends in a vowel.

Whatever, All I'm trying to say is that, Pepperoni, you're a little overrated and everyone needs to chill about putting all over my slices.

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