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Saturday
Jan102015

Gentlemen's DisAgreement 1/10/2015

Well, well, well, look what's back.  It's a new episode of Gentlemen's DisAgreement featuring Taylor Ortega.  Kevin and Taylor talk about the year that was, the year that will be, Kevin's miserable highschool dating life and public perception of Taylor Swift.  Listen below or download on Itunes HERE!  

Monday
Jan052015

Controversial No Call in Detroit - Dallas Playoff Game as Dez Bryant Runs on the Field, Attempts to Kiss Referee

Dez Bryant getting rejected by referee Lee Dyer

The NFL playoffs began this past weekend and no game was more highly anticipated than the NFC matchup between the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys.  The game did not disappoint as the two sides tangled in a close matchup that left the Dallas Cowboys victorious over the hard luck Lions.

But the game was not without controversy.  No moment was more talked about than when, late in the game, during a pivotal moment Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant was overcome with passion and attempted to run onto the field and give a deep loving kiss to referee Lee Dyer.

Dyer, a pillar of professionalism, quickly waved off Bryant's romantic overtures and gestured for him to return to the sideline.  Still, many pointed out that just because Bryant's attempted make out sesh failed to be consummated did not mean there should not have been a flag on the play.

"He is an offensive player not coming in as a substitute." Analyst and former NFL coach Tony Dungy observed.  "There is no reason he is out there other than to... (kiss referee Lee Dyer full on the mouth, French style) . Every official should have thrown a flag at that point. At the very least it should have been another 15-yard penalty. And there is no way you can justify not calling that.”

Several analysts agreed with Dungy's assessment.

ESPN columnist Kevin Seifert clearly mapped out the rule in the official NFL rulebook prohibiting on-the-field necking in his Inside Slant article.  "Rule 12, Section 3, Article 1(jk) prohibits "removal of a helmet by a player in the field of play or the end zone during a celebration or demonstration or during a confrontation or with the purpose of planting a big wet one on a game official or any other player."

Tony Romo was asked about the moment after the game and whether or not it would be used as a tactic to unnerve the Green Bay Packers next week in Lambeau but Romo, played it coy.  "Oh, wow... I haven't been thinking, to be honest I've just been so wrapped up in tonight I haven't thought one bit about that.  We'll have to see."

Many players did not share in Romo's elation at Bryant's brazen public display of affection.  The Detroit Lions defense became so jealous of Lee Dyer that they completely fell apart.  Committing penaly after penalty on the games deciding drive.

"You're out there with the guy.  Trying to grab him, get him on the ground all game and that's who he goes after?  It's hurts a little, you know?  You feel a little betrayed." Lions safety Don Carey said afterwards.

One person particularly distraught was Lion's defensive player Ndamukong Suh.

Suh was so utterly crushed that he was not the target of Bryant's aborted love revolution he struggled to hold back tears of disappointment during his post-game press conference and ultimately had to excuse himself so that he could weep in a physical state of solitude so as to match his emotional state of heartbreak.

In his own post game press conference, Dallas coach Jason Garret downplayed Bryant's effort to recreate the tongue dancing scene from Top Gun.  "Emotions were running high and Dez is an emotional guy.  We'll sit down with him and talk about when it is appropriate to do those type of things and when it is not."

Whether or not this was simply a random flirtation for Bryant, he can be sure that he found at least two allies in his effort to liberate the NFL from the chains of love as Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie were briefly shown initiating a raucous orgy in the owner's box suite.  Whether or not this orgy was a form a celebration for the win or  simply a part of Jones' and Christie's Satanic worship rituals was not clear.

Jones and Christie prepare for their orgy with an unknown third individual likely to be used as human sacrifice to their lord and savior, The Prince of Darkness.

*Requests for comment from the Cowboys Organization or Governor Chris Christie were not returned.

Tuesday
Dec302014

How to Survive New Years in New York City

New Years is right around the corner.

Ugh.

New year, same old cluster fuck.

No matter how well you plan, it always turns into a disaster culminating in a walk home where you're asking yourself, "why?"

Show up someplace with your friends at 11pm, it's kind of lame but you don't really have time to get anywhere else before midnight so you decide to stick it out.  You scan the room looking for a hot single somebody that you might be able to hook up with but the only person in the very crowded bar or party that doesn't have a date other than you is that very same person who want stop jabbering in your ear.  You manage to get separated from your friends and spend the first 7 of the 10 second countdown looking for them before you tell yourself fuck it and give a half hearted "happy new year" to some random couple making out next to you.  Then, when you do find your friends at least one of them has managed somehow to get completely shit faced so when you attempt to find somewhere else to go you go between trying to keep them from belligerently shouting at everyone they walk by and waiting for them to piss in some alley.

Well, I'm not promising that this year will be any different for you but if you follow my guidlines you can at least minimize the damage.

Don't Do It

Just don't.  Any of it.  It's not worth it.  You're not going to get laid.  You're not even going to get a proper anonymous make out sesh.  All you'll get is a hangover the next day and healthy dose of regret.  Still set on venturing out into the night?  Okay then...

Stay Away From Times Square and Other Tourist Hell Holes

For God's sake.

Don't Swing For the Fences

You try to go big on New Year's in NYC you will go home a failure.  Aim small. Go to a party where there will be less than 50 people, and you know at least half of them.  No party invites?  Go to a bar within walking distance of where you live, or at least no further than five subway stops and go with just one or two friends, big groups equals a big headache.

Don't Bar Hop Before Midnight

You're at a party at 11pm but its kind of lame, you're at some bar but its too damn crowded.  Stick it out.  After the 10:30 threshold, by the time you are able to round up everyone in your crew and find another place you'll be knocking on midnight and stone sober.

Pace Yourself With the Booze... Or Not

The worst thing for New Year's midnight rolling in and you find yourself already too drunk to walk straight.  Not only does it make your life difficult but you don't want to force your friends to babysit you the rest of the night.  But on second thought, if you don't do it, one of your friends will.

Wait Til After Midnight to Bail on Your Friends

If you do find yourself with a big group on New Year's it can become a hassle keeping everybody happy. Don't bail on them early, but after midnight it might be a good idea to go your own, break off with a smaller group of friends, or head out with some new friends you might have made.  Loyalty is important, but life is to short to be miserable, even with friends.

Look like this the next day? You should be so lucky.

Don't Try to Hook Up With Anybody

Just a good general rule to follow whenever you go out. Let love (and by "love" I mean probably a one night stand that will result in no further communication between parties besides a few friendly texts the next day) find you. A lot of people are desperate on New Year's, that means that you don't have to be.  If you go out trying to have a good time, you just might.  If you go out trying to get laid, you're probably going home disappointed.

 

So that's it.  That's what I got.  If you must go out on New Year's Eve, be safe and follow these guidlines.  You might just wake up the next morning not regretting the way you ended the last year.