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Tuesday
Dec302014

How to Survive New Years in New York City

New Years is right around the corner.

Ugh.

New year, same old cluster fuck.

No matter how well you plan, it always turns into a disaster culminating in a walk home where you're asking yourself, "why?"

Show up someplace with your friends at 11pm, it's kind of lame but you don't really have time to get anywhere else before midnight so you decide to stick it out.  You scan the room looking for a hot single somebody that you might be able to hook up with but the only person in the very crowded bar or party that doesn't have a date other than you is that very same person who want stop jabbering in your ear.  You manage to get separated from your friends and spend the first 7 of the 10 second countdown looking for them before you tell yourself fuck it and give a half hearted "happy new year" to some random couple making out next to you.  Then, when you do find your friends at least one of them has managed somehow to get completely shit faced so when you attempt to find somewhere else to go you go between trying to keep them from belligerently shouting at everyone they walk by and waiting for them to piss in some alley.

Well, I'm not promising that this year will be any different for you but if you follow my guidlines you can at least minimize the damage.

Don't Do It

Just don't.  Any of it.  It's not worth it.  You're not going to get laid.  You're not even going to get a proper anonymous make out sesh.  All you'll get is a hangover the next day and healthy dose of regret.  Still set on venturing out into the night?  Okay then...

Stay Away From Times Square and Other Tourist Hell Holes

For God's sake.

Don't Swing For the Fences

You try to go big on New Year's in NYC you will go home a failure.  Aim small. Go to a party where there will be less than 50 people, and you know at least half of them.  No party invites?  Go to a bar within walking distance of where you live, or at least no further than five subway stops and go with just one or two friends, big groups equals a big headache.

Don't Bar Hop Before Midnight

You're at a party at 11pm but its kind of lame, you're at some bar but its too damn crowded.  Stick it out.  After the 10:30 threshold, by the time you are able to round up everyone in your crew and find another place you'll be knocking on midnight and stone sober.

Pace Yourself With the Booze... Or Not

The worst thing for New Year's midnight rolling in and you find yourself already too drunk to walk straight.  Not only does it make your life difficult but you don't want to force your friends to babysit you the rest of the night.  But on second thought, if you don't do it, one of your friends will.

Wait Til After Midnight to Bail on Your Friends

If you do find yourself with a big group on New Year's it can become a hassle keeping everybody happy. Don't bail on them early, but after midnight it might be a good idea to go your own, break off with a smaller group of friends, or head out with some new friends you might have made.  Loyalty is important, but life is to short to be miserable, even with friends.

Look like this the next day? You should be so lucky.

Don't Try to Hook Up With Anybody

Just a good general rule to follow whenever you go out. Let love (and by "love" I mean probably a one night stand that will result in no further communication between parties besides a few friendly texts the next day) find you. A lot of people are desperate on New Year's, that means that you don't have to be.  If you go out trying to have a good time, you just might.  If you go out trying to get laid, you're probably going home disappointed.

 

So that's it.  That's what I got.  If you must go out on New Year's Eve, be safe and follow these guidlines.  You might just wake up the next morning not regretting the way you ended the last year.

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