Breaking News: Taylor Swift is in love with New York City.
And before the inevitable breakup and subsequent top 20 single about it, she wants to share that love with all of common folk out there, in as awkward a way as possible.
In the video below, she tries to educate the average joe and janes on the world in the terminology of New York City.
In this painfully contrived cross branding campaign with NYC tourism, Swift reads some words hesitantly off a cue card in one take. Everything about it is pretty painful for anyone that actually lives in NYC (only assholes say "Noho"). It did insipre me, as a resident of the greatest city in the world, to share some important terminology one should know if they ever want to visit the borough of Brooklyn.
Starting off with an easy one here. Kings county is Brooklyn. Like Queens county is Queens, and Richmond county is Shaolin.
Not to be confused to southern Brooklyn, south Brooklyn is the area south of downtown Brooklyn. Hoods like Carrol Gardens, Boreum Hill, and Park Slope all help make up south Brooklyn.
"In a minute"
Now, most people are probably thinking, "Hey, we say this too." Nope! Anytime someone's saying "It's been a minute" or "I haven't been there in a minute." They're saying, "It's been a lot of minutes". Like the exact opposite of a New York minute.
Here's a little language lesson for all you monogloids, "pizza" means "pie" in Brooklyn Italian.
You know, some of you might think you've got hipsters where you live. You don't. Brooklyn is the capital, the Mecca, the one and only place you can find true hipsters. It isn't just about the clothes you wear, or the music you listen to, its about the lifestyle. Hipster is one of those words that people use to describe people that isn't necessarily an insult but everybody always means it as an insult. Most people deny their hipsterdom and if they don't they're usually a massive douche. Suffice it to say, if someone from Brooklyn is calling you a hipster, you probably are one and they probably don't like you.
"Bougie" or "Bougey"
Slang from the word Bourgeoisie. Despite its origins it refers to a certain type of upper middle-class citizen becoming more and more common in Brooklyn. Bougie people are nice, and they like nice shit. Got a bodega? Now its a organic grocery. Got a dive bar? Now its an artisanal pizza and wine bar. Shit is extra Bougie in south Brooklyn.
"Go take a ride on the G train."
Go to hell. (No one says this, but they should).
I've been living in Brooklyn four about six years and somewhere along the way I started calling bodegas "corner stores". Maybe its because no one that runs any of these places are ever hispanic, I don't know. Everyone knows what I'm talking about when I say them, but I'm not actually sure if anyone else uses this phrase. Note: They do not have to be on a corner.
The greatest park in any city anywhere.
Can literally mean anything.
Translation: "You're a tourist". No one from Brooklyn actually says this anymore. If someone says this to you, they're mocking you, yo.
So that's it. Hopefully this guide will help you survive your next trip to the borough of kings. We out!